Hi. I’d like to talk about racism.

I’m afraid to talk about racism, because the circumstances in which I was trafficked were circumstances in which it was unsafe for me to speak up about this and related subjects.

Most of the people who stopped me from speaking up about racism, however, were people posing as or believing themselves to be supporters of marginalized people — some of them specifically considering themselves anti-racist.

Because people in and around advocacy communities submitted me to such violence, part of my complex neurological injuries is a scramble of how to determine whether a person who presents themselves as helpful will actually be helpful, or may turn out to be someone with intent to do harm.

What is required to resolve this injurious neurological scramble is a clear litmus for the awareness, caring, and communications intentionality of those I’m interacting with.

What I need to know from each person is exactly what I was stopped by force from knowing — whether they would deny causing harm to me or another, whether they would protect the safety of those most vulnerably at risk, whether I with severe disabilities or my colleagues in greatest severity could rely on a fully respectful dialogue with the person.

I had some basic feeling understandings that individual, systemic, and internalized racism was at the heart of what was going on in those communities, but as my brain function radically declined and dangers increased, I was unable to speak to it verbally.

I am able to speak to it more verbally now, so I am committed to success in it.

And now is long past the freaking time.

Really.